On Non-Attachment
If I were to narrow down the lesson I continue to receive at every stage of my life, it would be a challenging task. Every time I reach a new edge of growth I notice that lessons penetrate at a deeper level. Leaving me with more questions than I previously had!
Is this what everybody meant when they said “The older I get, the less I know?”. Seems like that to me.
One lesson that pops to the forefront of my mind and heart that I see expressing at different levels and depths is non-attachment. In Sanskrit, this is “aparigraha”.
Other words that flirt around this concept and are usually close by include “surrender”, “manifest”, “uncertainty” and “vulnerability”.
I continuously receive non-attachment lessons at every stage. I continuously receive new ways to embody aparigraha in real time.
When I love deeper, can I keep my heart open? When I commit further, can I lean back without grasp? When I see something gorgeous fly away, can I say thank you rather than trying to lure it back?
These lessons and more are sprinkled throughout my life. This is mindfulness. This is yoga. This is a commitment to a conscious life.
In general, I sense confusion around the idea of non-attachment in the collective. People are perplexed by it.
Wait, I need to care about something deeply and at the same time be cool if it goes away? How can that be?!
This is the general vibe.
To me, non-attachment is not a belief or action, it’s a way of living. It’s something to be embodied, not “thought” or “done”. It’s something that simply becomes a part of you as time flows in this lifestyle.
Non-attachment is a way of living that is the definition of paradox. A metaphor I’ve heard from many different people and sources is the idea of a bird sitting in your hands.
This bird is a sight to behold. It’s amazing. It’s colorful. It’s with you and it’s part of your life.
The non-attachment appears in how you hold the bird. Non-attachment is allowing the bird to sit in your open palms with complete freedom about whether it stays or goes.
Most people do not hold their lives in this way, with open palms. Most grip tightly to the bird to “make sure” it stays.
However, this bird is clever and divine. It does not enjoy the tight grip. It flies away and people with an attachment grip many times spend years, even decades, reaching out to find it again. Or, some pretend it never left and that it’s still there.
Aparigraha is a powerful value and way of living that stems from yoga and the spiritual traditions of the East. It’s something that completely changed my life for the better and it’s something I pay forward to my students at the piano, my yogis on their mats and my coaching clients as they paint a life they love.
So, what does it mean in real life? You know, one where we aren’t all walking around with birds and open palms?
What I’ve discovered so far in my life are five sentences that really cut to the core of what non-attachment means.
These five sentences free me and I hope they free you too.
Non-attachment does not mean not caring, it means caring more.
To allow something to express authentically is to deeply love and respect it. This means, not being attached to the behavior, outcome or direction that something or someone takes.
I see this in dynamics with kids all of the time. There is nothing like the love between a parent and child. And yet, when a parent grasps and seeks to contain, the authenticity and potential is lost. The learnings and growth are taken. The peace and the respect is lost. The grasp doesn’t serve either side.
To embrace non-attachment is to care and respect deeply whatever person, experience, creation or event is taking place in life. It’s caring so much that you’d only like it to stay if that’s what it truly desires - not by force. To me, this is love.
Non-attachment is the gateway to creativity and relishing in possibility.
To practice non-attachment is to open the floodgates for miracles to occur. It opens flow state. It opens possibility.
If I am attached to one outcome, it closes the door on all other things that are seeking to meet me. It’s truly surrendering to the limitless options and art that gets to be made.
Open palms invite it in. Closed palms shut it out.
Non-attachment is dropping the “how”.
This one is huge! Perhaps the biggest “aha” for me. Drop the how and life will bring you to your knees.
Get clear on your vision, whatever that may be. Drop the how and hold the vision. Hold the vision like none other and at the same time, release the exact how of what the journey will look like.
Case in point: Starting Mindful Music and then the pandemic hit three weeks later.
This was not part of the plan by any means!! And yet, I held the vision. I kept holding the vision and I kept releasing the “how” of the steps or route or exact expression it would take form in.
Drop the “how” and let life unfold as you stay in the vision.
Non-attachment is the acknowledgment that certainty has been and always will be an illusion.
I think the whole world received a lesson in this as a result of the global pandemic. Uncertainty has been and will always be a thing. It just was forced on us in an aggressive and immediate way.
No matter how tightly we grip, things change. Birds fly away. New birds land. Birds leave and come back in a different way. Nothing outside ourselves is ever in our control.
Certainty is an illusion. Control is an illusion. What a relief! Instead of trying to keep things the same, non-attachment allows us to lean back and enjoy the ride. I love the freedom that this gives me.
Non-attachment is connection to something bigger than yourself and allowing it to hold you.
I used to beat around the bush in terms of the spiritual aspects of what I do. Truth be told, coming out of the spiritual closet was scary for me! I used to called the feeling I got when I played music as a kid the “God feeling”.
Now, it feels like breathing to share because it really is the bedrock of my life. Non-attachment is a connection to something bigger than yourself, a connection to others, a connection to the world and then doing the scary thing - allowing it to hold you!
Non-attachment is knowing that everything works out for the highest good of all. It’s knowing that the universe and other people have my back. It’s faith.
It’s freeing because I don’t need to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can let go. I can surrender. I can do my part and allow my connection to something bigger do the rest.
As you move forward in your day, your moments and your life ahead, may these sentences and aparigraha lead you. A consciously created life is a life of non-attachment, otherwise known as, magic.
In the land of Mindful Joy Muse, I have a few things going on in August that I’m excited about and of course, you are invited to join! All of these include teachings of non-attachment baked right into the experience.
FriYAY Yoga is back!
After a pivot and change (aparigraha) with my space for teaching yoga, FriYAY yoga is back. Every Friday at 12pm CDT I teach a medium level vinyasa yoga class via zoom. Every week has a dharma theme, class is one hour in length and the replay available for 48 hours. This week’s theme is “Now”.
Signup for FriYAY Yoga on 8/6 here!
Artist Accelerator begins on 8/11
Artist Accelerator is my four week coaching program for artists who are ready to heal the starving artist paradigm by making more income and doing so without burning out. Yes, it’s possible! If you’re an artist craving financial and energetic freedom - this is for you. Click below for details and to sign up.
Signup for Artist Accelerator here!
1:1 Teaching and Coaching Containers
I work with people 1:1 in private yoga sessions, conscious creation coaching and Mindful Music piano lessons. These are high touch mentorship containers, as such, spaces are limited. If you’re interested, reach out to me here and let’s connect. This is the best way to see if we’re a good fit to work together!.
May you live your life with palms, heart and soul wide open.
Wide open to the possibilities that will bring you to your knees.
May non-attachment be your helpful companion on your journey.
In love, open palms and pursuit of a better world,
⭐️ Adrienne
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